So I have posted several blogs about my brothers crazy ex. I won't say her name, but just know it is the name of the month we are currently in.

Anyways, she is CRAZY! I am not talking about ha ha crazy, when I say this I mean she needs to be in a straight jacket locked in a padded room crazy. Don't get me wrong, after you read this blog, my brother is not crazy, just stupid and my entire family has reminded him of this. But this is my latest crazy bitch drama:

Last week, I woke up in the middle of the night to the phone ringing. I see who it is, Crazy Bitch, and so I answer just to humor her. She says in a drunken voice that she is taking her daughter to the ER. I say "OK" and I hang up. Why do I care, its 12:30 in the morning on a Sunday night (so actually Monday morning). So I hung up and I then proceeded to do the right thing. I shut off the ringer to my phone.

When I woke up Monday morning, I see that she called an additional 3 times after that. I mention it to my dad and he informs me that she left a message on the voicemail and he heard it at 3AM. She said in her message that she was AT the ER (mind you it was 3 minutes after she told me she was going to bring her there) and that if my brother didn't show up he would never see his daughter again. My dad said she sounded completely wasted, which I figure she was. Here is my problem. Do you honestly think that my brother hangs out at my house at 12:30 AM on a work night? And did you heleport yourself to the hospital because you got there fast. So I called my brother the next day and he informs me that NO she didn't take her to the ER and that she didn't even check her temp until this morning. But it all started that night when she had a friend over and wanted my brother to take the baby again for the night after having her the entire weekend. He refused. So she blew up the phone at my brothers house, which isn't my problem but whatever. I just informed my brother if she does it again, I will be on her doorstep with the police to have her arrested because she is CRAZY!

Now comes newest story. Last Wednesday, she was mad at my brother for something. He was over there for god knows what reason and she got mad at ran into the bathroom with the baby and her liquor and locked herself in there and said she was going to kill herself. My brother didn't know what was going on and had the neighbor call police. She emerged from the bathroom with what appears to be blood on her arm and it freaks my brother out. The cops show up only to smell her wrist and determine its KETCHUP ON HER ARM!

Now here is where my brother is an idiot. The cops asked him if he wanted them to take her to the Mercy Psych ward....he said no all the while she is screaming "YOU KNOW THATS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT". To tell you the truth, thats what we all want. We want something to happen so that child services will actually get involved and take these children from her. I told my brother last weekend....you had it, you had the out to have her committed because she is literally crazy. She has a drinking problem and an abuse problem. Pretty soon she is going to take it out on these kids.

So that my friends is my brothers crazy ex girlfriend story of the week. Another week has passed so I am sure I will hear another new one. Oh BTW she got fired from her latest job after about 2 months....things should really start heating up now.

I hate pee tests.....

So yesterday there was no school for kids in k-5th grade. So I went to work and I took Mikey with me. I was figuring I would get back around 8:30 and then it would be gravy. Yeah well I should never count on that because this is what happened.

At my work, they do random drug testing. Yesterday they had one, and I was lucky enough to get pulled. This is my first time. So I was like, cool, get in and get out, 10 minutes tops. So I go  in there with the lovely lady from the drug place and she is explaining everything to me. She tells me that they colored the toilet water (I am not sure why) and that they taped the knob on the toilet so I can't flush. The first thing I think of is, well then where do I throw the toilet paper after I wipe? She tells me how much pee I need and I am like "NO Problem!" and then I go in there. I don't know if I got stage fright or what, but I could barely go. I ask the lady "Uh, what if I don't give you enough?". She then informs me I am going to have to sit and drink some water and come back. So I come out and she says that I only filled one tube and I need to fill another. I was like great.

So I walk out and Mikey is all ready to go and I have to inform him that we need to stay. He is mad. And then they tell me I can't leave the break room because heaven forbid I walk out to my car and grab the bag off someone elses clean pee to bring in and use. So needless to say, 11 glasses of water and 1 hour later I finally get to pee. Atleast I didn't lose any hours at work, but it still was the biggest pain in the ass of my life.

I hate pee tests, especially since I don't do drugs.

So today is Mikey's Golden Birthday. He is 8. Last night, I told him the whole story of the events leading up to his birth. I thought I would share them on here since it was a pretty funny experience.

On the day of his birth, I woke up at the morning and my mucus plug broke. If you don't know what that is, then go to Webmd.com. Anyways, I decided to spend the day with Tom (Mikey's Dad) and his mom. We went to the dentist for Tom at Unity Hospital. His mother than asks me what hospital I was delivering at. I told her Mercy. We then went out to lunch and I went back to Tom's. As I was leaving, I told him "You know, if you think about it, call me later". I didn't know what was going on since the DR told me that the plug can break up to 2 weeks before delivery and Mikey was 1 day late by now.

I then left Tom's house and went home. I talked to my dad and suggested that maybe we get my hospital bag ready. We did so and then went to Target and Rainbow and then he took me to Dairy Queen. It was nummy. I came home and was hungry so I made a cheeseorito. I got on my PJ's and crawled into bed.

Next thing you know, I feel a huge stomach cramp coming on. So I went to go to the bathroom and stood up in my room and I hear a pop, just like a balloon popping no kidding. I knew what had happened so I JUMPED from my bed all the way through my bedroom door which was about 8+ feet away from my bed. My water had broke and I didn't want it to break on the new carpet we had just put in my room.

I then stood in my doorway screaming. My sister had her boyfriend over and she came running out of my bedroom. I just stand there, legs spread letting the water fall out. My sisters boyfriend runs out of the house and my parents come out to find my water broke. My sister grabs me a towel and I begin to call the hospital. No shit, I called and they asked me if I was SURE that my water had broke. I told the lady, and I quote "All I know is I am standing here with a towel in between my legs and it is soaked." They tell me to head up.

So while I change clothes, my sister is putting a garbage bag on the seat of my car so I won't get amniotic fluid everywhere. She also makes a phone call to Tom's cell to let him know i am in labor (Because of course, he didn't call me like I asked). Luckily she called him because he was just walking into a friend's house to get drunk.  All I can think about as we drive to the hospital is once I walk in those doors, people are going to think I pee'd my pants.

I get checked in and they put me in triage to make sure I am in active labor. Well that's when I contractions start. I refused to breathe through them and the nurse was getting pissed. After about an hour in triage they moved me to a room. All I wanted was pain medication and they refused to give it to me because they said I wasn't dilated enough. I think they refused because I was 17 and having a baby and they wanted to teach me a lesson.. They said I couldn't have it until 4cm and I was at 3.5cm. They suggested I go into the shower. I did, but it wasn't fun sitting naked and prego in a shower while your mom and sister hold the shower head over your back to try and ease contractions.

After that I still wasn't dilated enough but they brought in the pain DR anyways. I loved him. He was the best. By this time a few hours had past and Tom still wasn't there.

Finally, Tom shows up with his younger brother Mikey. They proceed to tell me that they went to the wrong hospital. They went to Unity. And then he tells me that his parents and other brother are down stairs in the ER parking lot with the motor home sleeping.

Anyways, I had an issue with the pain medication. I would all of a sudden start shaking uncontrollably. It was hilarious to others and it would be so random. I know everyone in the room got a kick out it.

As time grew near for delivery, I had Tom on my left holding my leg and eating my ice chips, I have my sister on my right holding my leg and pressing buttons on the machine for the nurse and then there is me. I couldn't feel a thing. I didn't even know when I was having contractions.

Finally around 5:35 AM on 4/8/00, they told me it was time to start pushing. I was dilated at 9.5cm and they wanted me to push to dilate myself the rest of the way. I pushed for a while and then said he was coming. So they told me to pushing like I was taking a crap. I remember screaming out that I didn't want to poop on the table. Then he came out. It wasn't painful or anything for me. I love pain drugs.

Then Tom cut the umbilical cord and it was done. He then gave me a kiss on the forehead and told me "Good Job". I then told him later he should have smacked me on the ass and told me good game.

His family then emerged from the motor home to great Michael. He was born at 6:35 AM on 4/8/00.

Happy Birthday buddy!

So as I was listening to this song, I thought how cool it would be to write a letter to me back then. I mean when I was in sophomore health class, as an assignment, we all had to write letters to ourselves and stuff. They were sealed so the teacher never read them, but then they were sent to us when we were 21 I think. I still have that letter somewhere. So this inspired me to write a letter to my 17 year old self.

Dear 17 year old Jennifer:

Always wear a condom, the pull out method does not work. However, if you should use that method, you will wind up with a wonderful boy that you will name Michael and cherish all your life. Except you won't care for the father too much.

Don't take relationships with your friends for granted. Also, make sure you know who your true friends are. Be careful what you say around them because in time it will come back to bite you in the ****.

Go to college and do it right after graduation. If you don't, you will become lazy and keep saying you will go back and then you never do.

Don't bitch about spending time with your grandparents. You will have a tremendous amount of guilt when one of them passes away from the mean and hurtful things you said about them behind their back. Cherish the time and really try and get to know them.
Open a savings account and stay away from credit cards. They will only get you into trouble in the long run and then you will not know when you are going to get out it.

When you break up with someone that you truly love and care for, do not go with the friends with benefits aspect. Although you say you are over them, you never truly are and you end up hurting yourself in the long run. So make sure you break all ties and date around, but don't sleep around...you know how the double standards go.

Listen to your parents when you can. I know you think you are always right and that you know everything, but in the long run your parents do know what they are talking about. You need to realize that they have been there done that. They are only trying to give you the best advice to keep you on the right path and to not head down the wrong path.

Enjoy life. There will come a time where you will regret not doing something when you had the chance to. Once a chance is gone, in most cases you won't get that chance again. Be upfront with people and follow your dreams. Otherwise you will wind up 25 living at home with your parents and driving school bus.

If you follow my advice, you should be able to make a great life for yourself.


Love,

25 year old Jennifer

This is the 17 year old me......

I had so much fun last night at the Twins game. We had awesome seats right by the bull pen and I got to see my fave Twin Joe Mauer.

It was weird though. Mikey and I don't do a lot of stuff just the two of us besides shopping. Usually we have a group or I bring one of my nephews along with me. But it was fun. I spoiled him a bit getting him Cotten Candy, Snow Cones and pop corn. I also bought him an autograph ball.

Although the Twins lost, it was cool to see Torii Hunter and all the new faces of the Twins. Its pretty sad though when you look at the batting line up of the home team and you only recognize 3 names. Mikey and I also played Twingo (Twins Bingo) and we wound up winning! We won a team calendar. Its nice, but they should have printed a new one since have the people in the calendar are no longer with the team.

So anyways, look in my photo albums for pictures from the game. I took 318!! My dad asked me if I even watched the game. I did, but I would of had more fun staring at Mauers, Mourneau's and Cuddyers' **** all night!!

I hope you enjoy!!